A month and a half later…

 

Do you ever look at an animal and think, “Are you going to kill me in my sleep and then eat my decaying corpse?” If not, then you’re lucky. I, however, am not that lucky. Pickle has, over the last month and a bit, gone from being my little spoon to laying on my chest and staring at me at point-blank range. It’s unnerving to wake up to. My birthday was no different.

“Pickle, please, it’s my birthday. Just give me one morning without being cursed and then you can get right back to it. I promise,” I chuckle as I scratch her cheeks.

Pickle tries to hide her love of cheek rubs but her cute, low purr always escapes and rumbles through her chest and mine when I do it.

“There is it, there is my beautiful Pick,” I lean up and kiss her on the nose. “Now, off, I’m hungry.”

Pickle halts her purring and reluctantly jumps off my chest and onto the floor.

“Thank you, Picky,” I say as I slip out of bed and stretch.

No kidding, my body is that of a 60-year-old. The cracks and groans it makes when I do anything but lie down is both gross and irritating.

“First things first, Pick, Dean’s morning dad joke.” I yawn as I walk over to the door and pick up the white folded lined paper.

This joke is actually a good one for a change, perhaps he put more thought into it given it’s my birthday.

My pet chameleon, it’s having trouble changing colours. It looks like he might have a reptile dysfunction. 

Happy birthday, darlin! See you at brekky.

-D x

“I can’t-“ I giggle as I put it on my bedside table.

Dean used to sleep in here, but Pickle would bat him around the head with her paws until he woke and then she’d remove him from my room. Pickle doesn’t like sharing her side of the bed or me for that matter. If I’m asleep in his room, then she will do it to me to get back to our room.

I open the door a crack and let Ms. Sassy pants out to do god knows what and dart into my bathroom and throw my hair up.

“Breakfast,” I say quietly to myself as I head for the door.

The day after I saw the news of Jonathan’s impending fatherhood, I washed, folded, and posted his shirt back to him. Kristen thought it was too soon and that I would regret it, but it’s been a month and half now and I don’t. When I did it, I felt at peace. I said my goodbyes and let it and him go. He has moved on, so why can’t I?

My routine before the news was not only unhealthy, but self-destructive. Laila, Emir, and Kay sent me here to get better and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. The first thing I needed to do was establish a healthy routine and I think I have.

8 am – Wake up, collect my dad joke, let Pick out and head down for brekky in my PJ’s cos I’m classy like that.

8:15 am – Eat breakfast and put together a plate for Dean. 

When he’s finished at the stables, which is usually when I’m down eating, he will come and eat with me.

8:45 am – Head back to my room and get dressed.

9:00 am – Art therapy.

I took up art therapy because Kristen told me that externalising my thoughts and feelings is a good way to see them, deal with them and then let them go. She was right. My art started out angry and dark but now, it’s brighter and fun. Although I do get more paint on myself than I do on the canvas.

10 am – Therapy with Kristen.

11 am – Daily catch up with Emir, Laila, and Kay.

Emir and Saph’s wedding planning is coming along very well but they have yet to settle on a date. I think, personally, Saph wants it on their anniversary next year. Laila is currently in Paris on her book tour but has assured me she will be back the moment I get home. She is also seeing a new man and I’m so happy for her. He sounds like the perfect match for my girl, and I can’t wait to meet him when I’m home. She won’t tell me his name because he’s famous and it’s still new, but I know her. She won’t be able to hold it in for too long. Kay and Micah are still going strong, though I’m not surprised. Besides me, he is the only other person that can handle my little spitfire. She is also close to finishing up the renovations on Get Roasted and the new menu Stefan put together for her.

I’m so happy for them all and I can’t wait to see them all when I get home.

12 pm – Lunch with Dean.

12:45 pm – Head back to my room and change into my Pilates clothes.

1 pm – Pilates.

I stopped going to yoga, not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because of the time day, it was. It was right after my yoga session that I found out about Jonathan having a baby with Sienna. Yoga was no longer enjoyable but only a trigger and I needed a change. It worked out well because just as I was looking for something else, Diane started a new Pilates program. I really enjoy it. It’s exactly what I need, and it really calms my mind and my body.

1:30 pm – Quick shower, change of clothes and down to the games room.

2:15 pm – Mine and Dean’s afternoon walk.

Now, if you’re wondering why, it’s now 2:15 pm and not earlier, well my friend, that would be because Dean gets extremely involved in Halo and it can take a long arse time to drag him away from it. Not that he doesn’t want to go for our walk, it’s that he is mad and wants to make the game pay.

Internal eye roll.

4:30 pm – Return from our walk.

Our walks can vary depending on the route we take. We both like to go a little further than we did the day before and it’s so relaxing to be out in nature, listening to life. So, neither of us are in a hurry to get back.

Now, the return is both nice and not so nice. Me and Dean like to sit on the steps outside the lodge and just take a minute before we head back in. However, while I do that, I also must spend at least 10 minutes apologising to Pickle for being out so late and not leaving my door open for her. Dean will try to help, but after a few swipes and a hiss he leaves it up to me.

5:10 pm – Let sulky Pick into my room, clean up and head down to Dean’s to hang out while he gets ready.

6:45 pm – Go down and catch up with Diane and Sara.

7:15 pm – Head in to hassle Doug about dinner while he flips us off and continues to sing out of tune and use the kitchen as his drum set.

7:50 pm – Dinner.

8:40 pm – Finish dinner and head to either mine or Dean’s room for an Ozark binge.

This is my routine every day and it makes me feel like I’m in the right place, doing what I’m meant to do. Yes, I’m aware that it won’t be like this when I get home, and I’m ok with that. I won’t need this kind of routine when I’m home because I’ll be in a better place. For right now, this routine is needed to get me to that better place.

Today, despite it being my birthday, will be no different.

Strolling down the hall, I begin internally scolding my stomach for being far too demanding and loud, I step down off the staircase and I’m brought to a complete stop by a loud pop that goes off next to my head and confetti filling the air around me.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAMILLA!” Everyone shouts.

“OH MY GOD!” I gasp as I jump back, losing my balance.

“Oh shit! Camilla!” Dean darts towards me, snaking his arm around my waist, pulling me to my feet before my arse can hit the stairs behind me. “Are you ok, darlin?” He looks at me concerned.

“Yes,” I giggle as I look up at him. The concern on Dean’s face disappears and is replaced with a soft smile.

“Sorry, Camilla, we didn’t mean to scare you,” Diane says quietly from behind Dean.

“It’s ok, Diane. Honestly, I startle easily.” I chuckle as I tear my gaze away from Dean and to Diane.

“Come, I had them make all your favourites,” Dean smiles down at me, sliding his hand down and interlacing it with mine.

“Y’all have been busy,” I giggle, looking at them all.

“We have,” Sara replies with a wink.

Before I even get to the kitchen, I can smell the sweet scent of bacon sizzling on the hot plate. My mouth instantly starts watering. Bacon, pasta, and anything garlic is my weakness. I could live on them for the rest of my life and die happy. What I wasn’t expecting next was the scene that was unfolding in the kitchen. Pink balloons littered the air as Taylor’s sweet voice belted out my favourite song. It would have been perfect if Doug hadn’t broken into full vocals halfway through.

“DOUG!” Diane scolds. “He promised he wouldn’t sing.” Diane’s eyes narrow at him as she stalks over, giving him a hard slap on his arm.

The entire room breaks out in laughter as we watch him pout while plating up our food. Mine first because I am the birthday girl after all. Moving towards the breakfast bar, my attention is instantly caught by a large floral arrangement sitting right in the centre.

Inside a beautiful glass vase sits perfectly arranged baby pink roses, pale pink Chrysanthemums, white carnations, and Veronica’s, dark pink Hypericum berries and green foliage. Surrounding the vase are perfectly wrapped gift boxes each with a different shade of pink ribbon neatly tied. Knowing who is behind all of this, I turn to Dean to give him the “I know it was you” look, but he beats me to it, pulling the chair out for me and then, leaning in, whispers in my ear, “Happy birthday darlin.” He then kisses the side of my head.

My cheeks instantly turn beetroot red as I look up at Dean, taking a seat next to me. He shoots me a wink as he places a glass of pineapple juice in front of me.

“Now before y’all start digging in, I’d like to say a little something,” Diane smiles. “Camilla, it has been an absolute privilege getting to know you and watching you grow over these last couple of months. You are truly an incredible woman and I,” Diane looks around, “We are so proud of you. Happy Birthday dear,” she says as she walks around the breakfast bar and pulls me into a hug. As if on cue, everyone joins in on the hug.

I didn’t stop the tears from falling at her words, I deserved this moment and I’m going to feel it to its fullest.

After breakfast and the present opening, we all went about our day as usual, and it was really nice. It felt normal, I felt normal.

 

Early afternoon

 

“Get ya bitch ass up!” I shove Dean’s shoulder from behind as I walk around the couch. “It’s my birthday and I ain’t going to spend a ridiculous amount of MY birthday afternoon listening to you yelling at the game,” I say sarcastically as I stop in front of him and cross my arms over my chest.

“Oouufff, your birthday brings out the worst in you,” Dean smirks, getting up off the couch.

“Only when it comes to you and your stupid game,” I frown at him.

“I’m going to ignore that last comment ‘cause I know you don’t mean it,” he says in an almost believable hurt tone as he leans down and picks up his sneakers.

“I mean it, now hurry up.”

“I’ll meet you out front.” He looks up at me.

“Don’t fuck about and don’t touch that game, Dean,” I scold as I turn and head for the door.

“I won’t, promise,” he chuckles.

I stand out on the path leading down to the driveway and slowly close my eyes. I love the sound of the trees, the wildlife and the smells at Maplewood. It’s so soothing and instantly relaxes me. I’ll miss this when I go home.

“Move it or lose it darlin,” Dean says as he walks past me.

I giggle and follow behind him.

“So, wanna head to our favourite sign today?” He says over his shoulder.

The sign Dean is referring to is at the end of Maplewood’s driveway and is very fitting for the place you are at, but you must have a sense of humour and see it for what it is, a joke. It makes me giggle every time I see it.

“Duh!” I reply as I look for a good walking stick.

“The sass today, darlin.” He stops and turns to me, “I like it.” Dean winks at me.

“Like you have a choice,” I state, looking up at him.

“True,” he chuckles.

The walk to our favourite sign is an easy one, long but easy. We spend most of it joking around, racing each other ‘til either both of us or one starts to dry retch.

Just as the sign comes into view, I see a huge helium, light up balloon waving back and forth tied to the sign. Below it is a small dark pink box with a white ribbon wrapped around it. My eyes immediately shoot to Dean.

He jogs up to the sign, stands beside it and says, “Surprise!”

“Wha-“ my hand shoots to my mouth.

“I skipped my afternoon gaming session to come set this up,” he smiles at me.

“But I-“ I pause looking at the beautiful scene in front of me. “You were there when I got there,” I look back at him.

“Yeah, that was a close one,” Dean chuckles.

“Dean, this is perfect,” I walk over to the sign.

“Happy Birthday darlin.” Dean kisses the side of my head.

“Thank you, so much.” My words come out above a whisper, tears pricking the corner of my eyes.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry, darlin,” he says, pulling me into a hug.

“They’re happy tears, I promise.” I turn in his arms and look up at him.

“Good,” Dean chuckles. “Now open your gift.”

“Ok,” I sniff, pulling away from Dean.

I pull the white ribbon carefully on the small box and slide the lid off. Pushing the tissue to the side, I see a small silver ring with multiple bands and small charms attached to it laying delicately on soft white padding. My mouth drops open as my eyes immediately shoot to Dean.

“This ring used to be worn by girls and unmarried women during the 6th-12th centuries in Latvia. It has seven charms with ancient Latvian symbols that keep away evil spirits and bring luck,” Dean says quietly as he slips the ring onto my right ring finger. “These,” he arranges each charm, so they are facing up, “all have a different meaning.” He pauses as he moves the first charm. “This one is the sun. It’s the symbol of all beginnings and eternity.” He moves to the next charm, “this one is God. Now I know you don’t believe in God, but it doesn’t mean God as himself, but as growth, insight, and wisdom. The next is Jumis. It symbolises well-being and harmony at home. This one is a Fire Cross. This one provides protection against evil, gives energy, happiness, and strength to reach one’s goals in life and the Grass Snake is a symbol of wisdom and intuition.”

“How did you find this?”

“I have my ways, darlin,” Dean replies, smiling warmly at me.

“You are truly, one of a kind Dean Knight.” I smile up at him.

“And so are you, Camilla Adams.” He returns my smile. “Now, back to the charms, missy,” Dean chuckles.

“Right, sorry. Continue.”

“The last two are Maras Cross and Usins sign. Mara looks after women, their health, family, and fertility. Usins is the sign of life, health, creative energy, and strength.” Dean looks up at me. “I wanted to get you something that would protect you and represent the woman you are, darlin,” he smiles softly at me.

“It’- It’s perfect.” I look up at him through tears, “I love it so much.”

“Phew, I was worried it would be too much but I’m so glad you like it.” A large smile spreads across his face.

“I really do, Dean. Thank you,” I reply, glancing down at my finger.

“You’re so welcome,” he replies, looking down at his watch. “We should head back now.”

“Mmm hmmm,” I reply, not taking my eyes off my ring.

By the time we get back it’s getting quite cold, and I can smell the scent of spaghetti bolognaise escaping the cracks of the lodge. Yet another favourite meal of mine.

Best. Birthday, EVER! I think to myself as I scoop Pickle up in my arms and carry her through the lodge.

“I don’t have time for grovelling tonight, Pickle. There is a ridiculous amount of spaghetti to be eaten.”

Dean chuckles next to me while Pickle flicks her tail back and forth in disgust. Walking up the stairs, Pickle being the impatient brat she is, wriggles out of my grasp, drops to the floor, and runs ahead of me to my room.

“Meet ya in 10?” Dean says as he opens his door.

“Yep,” I reply over my shoulder.

Unlocking my door, I catch Diane in my peripheral. Pickle pushes past me and into my room as I turn to greet Diane.

“Hey,” I smile at her.

“Hi birthday girl, how was the rest of your day?” She stops in front of me.

“Really good, thank you.”

“That’s brilliant, dear.” She smiles at me. “Do you have a minute before you head down for your birthday dinner?” Diane glances into my room.

“Of course, I do. Come in,” I reply as I push the door open.

“Great,” Diane replies, smiling at me. “After you, dear.”

I walk in, kick my shoes off and drop my key on the side table. Pickle is already giving herself a bath in the middle of the bed so no-one else can sit down.

“Well, I guess we’re going to have to stand,” I giggle.

“Seems so, dear,” Diane chuckles. “But that’s ok because this concerns Pickle.”

“Oh, is everything ok with her?” I look over at Pickle.

“Oh, yes dear. Don’t worry. It’s just, since Pickle has been with us and that would be,” Diane pauses for a moment, “maybe four years now, she’s not bonded with anyone until you came along.”

“Aww that’s sad, I wonder why.”

“We’re not sure but I think she sees something in you and when you leave, I don’t think she will take that well.” Diane looks over at Pickle and back at me. “We were hoping that when the time comes, and you go home, that you would like to take Pickle with you.”

“Are you kidding? YES!” I reply too loudly. “Sorry, that came out too loud. Yes, I would love to take her home with me, I would really miss her if I didn’t.” I pull Diane into a hug, “Thank you, thank you for today and thank you for trusting me with Pickle.”

“There is no-one else for her, dear,” Diane chuckles as I pull away and flop down next to Pickle.

“Oh my gosh! Ahhh I can’t believe I get to take you home with me,” My cheeks begin to hurt from the size of my smile.

Diane stands watching me as Dean enters the room and says, “If you don’t move your arse, I’m eating your-“ he stops abruptly, looks at me and then Diane. “She said yes, didn’t she?”

“She did,” Diane smiles at him.

“You knew?” I hop up off my bed and walk over to them.

“Diane asked me last week and I told her that you would hands down take Pickle.”

“And you were right,” Diane replies, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, I know,” he replies sarcastically.

“I need to keep an eye on you two,” I slap Dean’s arm.

“Hey! Why do I get slapped and she doesn’t?” Dean asks as I push past him and out into the hall.

“Last one to the kitchen is a rotten egg,” I smirk at him.

“HEY!” He shouts after me as I take off down the hall.

“THANK YOU, DIANE, AND CAN YOU SHUT MY DOOR?” I yell back to Diane as we both sprint down the hall towards the stairs.

After eating a ridiculous amount of pasta, Dean and I retire to my room to lay in our own fatness.

“Camilla,” Dean says as he pulls himself up and against the headboard of my bed.

“Mmmm,” I groan.

“I have to tell you something.” His words sounded nervous.

“What?” I sit up abruptly, scanning his face for any sign of what it could be.

“I’m going home.”

“What?” I stare at him for a moment. “When?”

“Wednesday next week.”

“Oh my God, Dean!” I jump into his lap and hug him. “That’s amazing news.”

“Careful there darlin, you saw what I just ate. I’m likely to puke.” He chuckles.

“Oh, shit, sorry.” I slide off of him and back onto the bed. “When did you find out?”

“Yesterday. Kristen and I had been discussing it quite a bit over the last week or so and yesterday we settled on a date.”

“I can’t believe you’re going home. This is incredible. Wow!” I sit there for a moment trying to take in the information. “Wait, is the new apartment you and your brother Leighton are moving into ready?”

“Yep, it’s ready to go,” Dean smiles back at me.

“How are you feeling about leaving?” I ask.

“I’m excited and nervous, but I know that I will be ok. Kristen has set up all my therapy appointments for when I’m out and I have to check in with her weekly as well. If at any point I feel like I’m going back to that dark place again, I can come back.” Dean inhales deeply.

“You won’t be back, you aren’t the same man that came here three months ago, Dean. You know that right?” I take his hand into mine.

“I do, darlin,” he replies softly, looking down at my hand.

“Well, we better make the most of the time we have left together.”

“Oh shit, Camilla. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think. How are you feeling about this? And be honest.”

“I’m really happy for you Dean, I am. I’m also sad because I thought we would leave together but I know I’ll be ok.” I give him a reassuring smile.

“Cami- “

I cut Dean off.  “I’ll be fine, Dean,” I squeeze his hand. “I promise.”