When you’re in an emotional place, such as mine, the problem with running is that you tend to have no destination in mind, and you aren’t paying attention to your environment and who might be inhabiting it. I found this out very quickly when my panic run came to an abrupt stop in a hard and soot-covered chest.

“Whoa! Whoa! Slow your roll, darlin’.” The man chuckles sweetly.

“I—” I sniffled. “I’m sorry.” I look up at him and take a step back.

“Where’s the fire?” He teases, looking down at me.

Dragging my eyes up to meet his, I notice that he’s wearing black heavy-looking boots, dark blue almost black cargo pants, suspenders, a blue button-up shirt with FDNY above the pocket on the left, and an FDNY patch on both sleeves. There’s soot covering his uniform, and there’s even a little bit on his face. I’m close enough to notice his beautiful warm brown eyes and chiselled jawline that his beard perfectly contours, lips to die for, and his hair is short on the sides but scruffy and slightly curly on top.

“I— there’s not fire,” I mumble.

“I’m just messing with ya, love. Bad joke, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” I half-smile at him.

“Are you ok? Are you in trouble, love?” He asks, looking at me concerned.

“I’m- no, I’m not in any trouble.” I wipe some remaining tears from my cheeks.

“Are you sure?”

“Mmhmm,” I nervously reply as I chew on the inside of my cheek.

“I’m Dean,” he says sweetly, putting his hand out.

“I’m Camilla.” I reach out and take his hand.

“Well, it’s lovely to meet you, Camilla.” he grins at me, shaking my hand gently.

“Yeah, you too.” I return a soft smile.

“Do you—”

Dean doesn’t get to finish his thought as I feel Emir grab my arm from behind, swinging me around to face him.

“Camilla, there you are?” He pants out, pulling me into a hug.

“We have been looking everywhere for you,” Saph says, rubbing my back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” I reply quietly.

“It’s ok.” Emir pulls away, looking at me with worry.

“I just needed to get out of that room.” Tears well up in my eyes.

“We know,” Saph replies from behind me.

“Is it permanent?” I ask nervously, almost forgetting Dean was standing there with us.

“Dr. Willet doesn’t know, Camilla.” Saph looks to Emir.

“I want to speak to Jonathan.” I look between them both.

“Of course.” Emir smiles at me.

“I just need to say goodbye to—”

I turn just in time to catch a glimpse of Dean leaving in a fire truck.

“Bye, Dean,” I say quietly to myself before turning back to Emir and Saph. “Let’s go.” I smile at them both.

Once we got to Jonathan’s room, I swallowed my anxiety, put my big girl pants on, and walked in there like he was the same Jonathan he was before all this happened. Emir had asked me if I wanted him there, but this was something I needed to do by myself.

“Hey.” I smile warmly at Jonathan as I approach his bed.

“Hi.”

“I think we need to talk.” I look at him nervously.

“We do.” He talks a deep breath. “I don’t remember anything, but I have a feeling we were something before the accident.”

“We were.” I sit down in the chair next to his bed.

“How did we meet?”

I giggle a little at the question because it is one of my favourite memories of us.

“You were canvasing my block one night, and you knocked on my door. Sparks flew, and I dunno it was like we both knew we had found the missing part of ourselves.” I smile, looking down at my hands. “The next day, I bumped into you at my friend’s café across the road from my building, and that’s when we swapped numbers.”

“I don’t remember any of that.” He drops his head back on his pillow.

“That’s ok, I’m here, and we will work this out together, Jonathan.” I slide my hand under his.

“How long have we been seeing each other?” He looks down at our hands.

“Three months.”

“Why don’t I remember any of this?” His words filled with frustration.

“You suffered a bad head injury Jonathan; it’s to be expected.”

“I don’t remember you; I don’t remember any of my friends or the lead up to the attack. It’s just blank!” He slams his fist down on the bed.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. It will all be ok. I love you, and I’m here no matter how long it takes,” I rub his arm with my other hand.

“Love? Camilla, I—” he stammers, “I have a girlfriend, and if anything, I feel like I’m cheating on her just by talking about this with you. I’m so lost, I don’t know what to do.” He runs his hand through his hair, avoiding eye contact with me.

I can feel the anger and frustration in his every word.

“Jonat—”

“Oh my god! Jonny!” Sienna squeals from behind me.

As usual, Sienna has perfect timing. Throwing her Chanel jacket at me, she leans over and begins plastering kisses all over Jonathan’s face.

“Oh, look at you, my love, what did they do to your perfect face?” She pouts.

“Ummm, excuse you? I say harshly as I get up and throw her jacket on the floor.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come when the accident first happened, my love. Can you ever forgive me?” Her tone is childish as she completely ignores me and bats her fake lashes at Jonathan.

“You’re here now, Si.” Jonathan smiles at her.

His smile wasn’t polite; it was a genuine, soft, and loving smile—the way he used to smile at me.

That’s it! I’ve reached my limit! My inner voice shouts.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I scoff, getting up from the chair, and stomping on Sienna’s jacket. “This bitch hasn’t been here a single fucking day since your attack, and that’s ok? Is this a joke? Is someone going to pop out and yell PUNKED!” I laugh at the ridiculousness of what is unfolding in front of me. “I mean, for fuck’s sake, Sienna, seriously? Sorry I didn’t come?” I mock her. “Y’all aren’t even together. You aren’t required to be here or informed, for that matter.”

“Are you going to let her talk to me like that?” Sienna looks down at Jonathan with fake tears in her eyes.

“Camilla—”

I cut Jonathan off. “What, Jonathan?”

“Can I please have a moment alone with my girl—” he clears his through as he sees my eyes narrow at him. “With Sienna?”

“Ha! Yeah, sure. Take your time Jonathan, I’m sorry I’m ruining your wonderful reunion,” my words dripping with sarcasm as I roll my eyes at him and storm out of the room.

I look down both ends of the hall and see the sign for the toilets to my right. I immediately make a beeline from them, trying hard to keep my anger from pouring out in front of everyone. The moment the door closes behind me, I let the anger rip.

“Can I have a moment with Sienna? Can I, Jonathan, have a moment with my crazy fucking stalker ex? Sure! Why not? Completely normal. I’M YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!! TALK TO ME!!” My screams echo off the toilet walls.

The rage! It was uncontrollable. Hearing him say, ‘I have a girlfriend, and if anything, I feel like I’m cheating on her just by talking about this with you’ was like a fucking knife to the heart. Still, I love him, and I want to work through this with him, but OF COURSE, Sienna waltzes in, calls him Jonny, and puts her fake arse lips all over him, and all is ok in his world.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I pace back and forth, biting on the side of my cheek so hard it starts bleeding.

“That’s enough time bitch,” I say to myself as I look down at my watch.

I storm out of the toilet, not overly concerned with who is in my way at this point. She won’t win; I won’t allow it. He loves me, and a heart doesn’t just forget that, right?

Reaching for the door handle, I hear Emir call my name from behind.

“Camilla!”

I sigh harshly as I turn around and face him.

“Have you spoken to Jonathan?” He breathes out as he stops in front of me.

“Did you call Sienna?”

“What?” He looks at me, confused.

“Did you call Sienna?” I repeat.

“No, why?” He looks past me to Jonathan’s door.

“Because she is here, and she is slithering her way back into Jonathan’s life.”

“Fuck!” He runs his hands through his hair.

“Fuck is right, Emir,” I cross my arm over my chest.

“What did Jonathan do?”

“Oh, nothing much, just told me he feels nothing for me, that he feels like he’s cheating on Sienna. He let that bitch kiss him in FRONT of me, and then,” I’m dripping with sarcasm, “he asked to have some time alone with her.” I roll my eyes.

“Oh fuck, Camilla! Is she still in there?” He points to Jonathan’s room.

“Yep, but not for long.”

“Let me go?” Emir looks at me, begging me to let him go, stopping me from dragging that bitch out by her hair.

“Emi—”

Emir cuts me off. “Please, Camilla. I know my brother; I can talk some sense into him.”

“You have twenty minutes, Emir, if she is still in there with him, I can’t be held responsible for what I will do to her and him for that matter.”

“Of course!” He puts his hands up in a praying pose and smiles at me.

I watch him go into Jonathan’s room, and for a moment, I soak in Sienna’s voice. I can’t help but chuckle to myself. Emir is quite the imposing figure, and if I didn’t know him, I’d be worried. I sit outside Jonathan’s room and reply to the many texts Anthony, Reneya, Laila, and Kay have sent me asking how Jonathan is.

“Hey,” Saph says as she plops herself down next to me.

“Hey.” I glance up at her quickly then look back at my phone.

“Where’s Emir?” She pulls her sweater off.

“With Jonathan, hopefully talking some sense into him.”

“Oh no, what happened?” She looks at me nervously.

I fill Saph in on what had just happened between Jonathan and Sienna, and me. Like a bomb had gone off under her arse, she sprang to her feet and headed for Jonathan’s room. She doesn’t even get to the door before it swings open, and a fuming Emir comes storming out. He walks right past Saph and me and towards the elevators.

“Emir!” Me and Saph call to him.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I need to be away from my brother right now!” He calls over his shoulder.

“Ok, where are you going to go?” I ask as I approach Emir with Saph trailing behind.

“Can I stay at your place?” He asks me as he turns to face us.

“Of course.” I pull my keys out of my pocket and hand them to Emir.

“Thank you, Cami,” Saph says quietly as she walks up and takes Emir’s hand.

“No worries, the fridge should be full, and if there is anything you need, just call Kay.”

“We will.” Emir smiles at me. “I tried Camilla, but she has her claws in deep. I don’t know who he is right now, but he’s not my baby brother.”

His words echo in my head; He’s not my baby brother. I thought if anyone could get through to Jonathan, it would be Emir, but apparently not. We stand in silence until the elevator comes, and they step inside.

“I’ll text you,” Emir says as he presses the floor button.

“Will you be by tomorrow?” I ask quickly as the door begins to close.

“We will,” he replies as the door closes.

I turn and head back to Jonathan’s room, unsure of what to do next. At this point, I am competing with a woman that is very fresh in his mind. What I did I have to use in this battle has been erased.

Come on, Cami. We are a million times better than that fake barbie. If anyone can bring him back to us, it’s you. My inner voice attempts to boost my confidence.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, my love,” Sienna says from the door as she blows Jonathan a kiss.

I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat as she said the words ‘my love’.

Let’s puke all over her stupid face! My inner voice says in an evil tone.

Piff, I would waste good stomach acid on her.

As Sienna turns and sees me, a bitchy smile spreads across her face. Walking past me, she stops shoulder to shoulder and says, “give up now, Camilla, I’ll always win.” then proceeds to giggle like every mean girl you grew up with.

I turn around and, in a boastful tone, and say, “You should know Sienna, I also like to win, and I never play fair, my love.” I make sure to emphasize the ‘my love’ part.

She stops for a moment and turns her head slightly in my direction before walking off.

“Game on bitch!” I say quietly to myself.

By the time I get back to Jonathan’s room, he’s sitting on the side of his bed staring out the window.

“Hey,” I say quietly from behind him.

He turns his head to the side and smiles, not saying a word.

“I’m sorry for how I behaved before—”

“It’s fine, Camilla,” Jonathan cuts in. “You had every right to react the way you did.”

I walk over and gently sit down next to him, watching him closely.

“I’m sorry, Camilla.” He looks at me. “I wish I could give you what you are looking for, but—”

“It’s ok. None of this is your fault. We will get through this.” I smile at him.

“We?” he looks at me, confused.

“Yes, we. I love you, Jonathan, and I won’t let what we had, go without a fight. All I ask is that you will fight for us as well.”

“I don’t know if I will ever be the man you knew and—” he stops himself.

“Loved?”

“Yeah, that,” he sighs.

“We have only just started, Jonathan; we have an entire lifetime to find you and us.”

“Mm-hmm,” he replies, looking back out the window.

“Did you want me to stay with you tonight?”

“I—” He runs his hand through his hair. “I’d like to be alone if that’s ok?”

I mean, it’s not ok. I don’t want to be away from him. Especially after what has happened today, I can see that everything, including the blow-up with Emir, has taken its toll on him. I won’t deny him the space he needs, but I don’t have to like it.

“Sure, yeah!” I throw my hands up in front of me, trying to make it look like I wasn’t bothered. “I mean, I was going to suggest that anyway.” I chuckle as I grab some of my things from around the room.

“Do you have someone you can stay with?” Jonathan asks as he watches me packing my things up.

“Of course! I’ll ummm… I’ll stay with Laila, yeah Laila.” I continue my fake laugh.

“Good!” He nods his head. “That’s good.”

“Yeah, it is,” my words trail off.

We sit there in awkward silence for a moment before I feel like I’m going to break.

“Ok, well, ummm, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” I put my hand up and awkwardly wave at Jonathan.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, Camilla.” he smiles at me.

“K, bye,” I reply abruptly as I dart out the door.