“Are you ok, dear?” Diane turns around and looks at me from the front passenger’s seat.

“Mm-hm.” I sniff, brushing the tears off my cheeks.

“Here,” she says, handing me a packet of tissues. “Keep them.”

“Thank you,” I softly reply as I take a tissue.

“So, where are you taking me?” I ask, looking out the window.

“Skaneateles,” she replies over her shoulder.

“Where on earth is that?” I glance back at her.

“Upstate New York, dear.”

“Are you taking me somewhere far away to kill me?” I ask sarcastically.

“No, dear, and even if I were, I wouldn’t tell you where, now would I?” she turns and smirks at me.

“True,” I smile back.

“Rest, dear, it’s a long drive. I’ll explain everything when we get there.” She leans over and rubs my leg, smiling warmly.

“Ok,” I reply quietly.

I grab the small pillow next to me and place it between the window and my seat. It’s not massively comfortable, but it’ll do for now. I can always nap when we get to Maplewood.

Better have plenty of maple syrup with a name like that; I think to myself as I close my eyes and drift off.

“You’re my moon and stars.” Jonathan’s words are haunting, and I hear them every time I close my eyes and just as I wake. Today was no different. As I opened my eyes to Diane’s soft voice calling my name, I immediately thought of him. I hear him in every person and every place I am.

“We’re here, dear,” Diane says softly, smiling.

“Oh.” I rub my eyes. “That was a quick drive.”

“We’ve been on the road for four hours, dear.” Diane chuckles as she looks at the driver.

“Oh wow! Four hours? Are you sure? What’s the time?” I shuffle in my seat as I unclip my belt.

“It’s just after five pm, and it was definitely four hours. My numb butt can attest to it,” Diane says through a giggle.

“Wow, ok, well, that drive felt like five minutes.” I yawn.

“You didn’t move at all during the drive.”

“I’m tired.” I look down at my hands.

“I’m sure you were, dear.” Her expression softens. “Come, let’s get you inside. The temperature drops rapidly when the sun goes down.”

“Ok.” I smile nervously.

As I step out of the van, the cool breeze hits my face, causing my skin to prickle and a small shudder to vibrate through me. This cold is a different cold than Brooklyn. This cold is refreshing rather than bitter. If I was half asleep before, I’m certainly not now. Looking up at the home, I feel slightly intimidated. It’s not like anything I have ever seen in my life.

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore, I think to myself as I pick up my bags.

Walking up to the lodge, I try to take in the entirety of it. It’s like a house, and a wooden cabin had sex, and this is its baby.

I can’t help but giggle at the thought of that.

The outside is a mixture of old stone and wood with small balconies protruding from the sides and chimneys so tall that I feel like a dwarf in front of them. Its dimly lit lights flicker in the windows, and the smell of a home-cooked meal escapes its windows, filling the air with the most delicious scent. I’m intoxicated by the feeling it gives me, and I forget why I’m here for a moment.

Stepping inside the foyer, Diane takes my bags and places them to the side. “Come, I’ll introduce you to Lara, our administration’s officer.” She gestures towards the desk just a few feet in front of us.

A pretty brunette swivels in her chair and, standing, says, “Diane, how was the trip?”

“Quiet for a change,” she replies.

“Brilliant!” Lara beams back at Diane before looking at me.

“Lara, this is Camilla,” Diane says, smiling at Lara. “Camilla, this is Lara.”

Lara reaches her hand out. “It’s so nice to meet you, Camilla.” smiling at me warmly.

“You too, Lara.” I take her hand.

“Please,” she gestures to the chairs in front of me, “take a seat.”

Smiling, I slide into the chair. “Thank you.”

“I’ll leave Camilla with you, Lara,” Diane says. “I’ll take your things to your room, and once you’re done here, I’ll meet you in the common room.” Diane looks down at me and nods.

“Oh, um, ok,” I reply nervously, looking between Diane and Lara.

“Don’t worry dear, Lara will take good care of you.” She winks at me.

“Ok.” I look over to Lara, who is smiling warmly at me.

“Good!” Diane takes my bags and walks towards the staircase to my left.

Do you ever meet someone that is just so effortlessly beautiful that you are immediately jealous? That’s Lara; she’s effortlessly beautiful. Her eyes are a piercing blue, almost white colour, but they compliment her lightly tanned skin and many freckles scattered over her nose and cheeks. Her dark brown hair is in a high ponytail with an off-white hairband. Her lips have a nude gloss on them, and she has a small amount of mascara on her long lashes with black eyeliner. It makes her eyes pop! Though simple, even her outfit is perfect—a black turtleneck with a pinstripe skirt and nude pumps. I can’t help but feel underdressed. I quickly take stock of what I’m wearing.

I’m a fucking car wreck! I think to myself as I try to straighten out the wrinkles and hide the stains on my dress.

Lara sits down in her chair, turns around, pulls a green folder out of the filing cabinet behind her, and places it down on the desk in front of us.

“This won’t take long, Camilla; I just have a few questions I need to ask you, and then I’ll hand you back to Diane.”

“Ok.”

“Brilliant, alright, let’s get started.” she clicks her pen. “So, can you give me your full name and date of birth?”

“Camilla Evelyn Adams, and my date of birth is 16th September 1994.”

“Aw, you’re a baby.” Lara looks at me sweetly.

“I don’t feel it some days,” I joke.

“Don’t we all,” she chuckles. “Ok, in the last twenty-four hours, have you consumed any alcohol or taken any illegal or prescription drugs?” She looks up at me.

“No, to the first two, and I took some prescription pain killers this morning.”

“Ok.” she looks back down and ticks some boxes. “The prescription pain killers, what were they prescribed for, and how long have you been using them?”

“I suffer from migraines, and I’ve been using them on and off since I was eighteen.”

That was a lie. I use them for all kinds of pain, and lately, I have been using them a lot more than I should have been.

“Do you have these pain killers on you now?” She tips her head to the side.

“No,” I reply quietly.

“Brilliant! Thank you, Camilla.”

“I’m sorry, would there be a problem if I had them on me?”

“Yes, and no. Pain killers are addictive. I just needed to know if you were going to be going through any withdrawals while you are staying with us.”

“Oh, no, definitely not.” I frown at her.

“Good,” she says as she turns the page. “Have you, in the last month, thought about or attempted suicide?”

“No! Absolutely not.”

“Good, because there are many people out there who love you.” She smiles at me.

“Thank you.” I smile at her.

“Do you suffer from any other mental disorders that aren’t listed here?”

“What’s listed there?” I ask, leaning over to look at the file.

Lara picks the folder up and hands it to me. “Look for yourself, honey.”

Scanning over the papers, I see a box that says, ‘reason for stay’. Underneath it says anxiety and depression. I mean, I know I have anxiety, but I didn’t think I had depression. That’s news to me.

I look up at Lara and hand the file back to her, saying, “I have anxiety, but I don’t think I have depression.”

“That’s ok. We can work that part out later.”

“Ok,” I reply quietly, looking down at my fidgeting hands.

“Do you have any dietary requirements or allergies?”

“Um, no.”

“Brilliant! We’re almost done. I just need you to sign here, and then I’ll give you back to Diane.” Lara smiles warmly at me as she hands me the paper and a pen.

I squiggle my name on the paper and hand it back to her.

“Thank you!” She winks as she slides it into the file, then spinning around on her chair, she places it on top of the other files in the filing cabinet. “Right, if you’re ready, Camilla, I’ll take you to Diane.”

“I-” I pause. “May I ask who is paying for my stay?” I place the pen down on the desk and stand slowly.

Lara walks around her desk. “I’m sorry, Camilla, but I can’t give out that information.” She leans in close. “But, if you see their name on my computer screen as I walk away, then so be it.” Lara winks, shrugging her shoulders at me.

I nod my head, letting her know I get the message she is giving me. Smiling, she takes a few steps in front of me and says loudly, “Follow me.”

As she turns, I quickly step forward and crane my neck around to see who it is that’s funding this retreat. There, in black & white, is her name, Laila Mills.

“Knew it,” I mumble under my breath as I pull my phone out of my pocket and send her a message.

 

Stuffing my phone back in my pocket, I quickly hurry down the hall and catch up to Lara, who’s happily talking away to herself.

“Here we are, Camilla.” She turns and smiles at me.

“I—Wow!” My mouth drops open as I step into the room.

This is what Diane calls a common room? Was she kidding? I think to myself as I turn around slowly, taking in the room’s enormity.

The first thing that catches my eye is the large lantern-style lights dangling from the wooden beams that cross over one another on the ceiling. They give the room a warm glow that bounces off the floor-to-ceiling windows surrounding them.

The crackle of the fireplace that sits at the end of the room fills the room with a woody scent that makes the leather chairs sitting next to it look unbelievably comfy. As I walk over to the windows, I note the varnished floors that look as new as the day they were laid. Tapestry carpets lay in their rightful place as tables and desks stand nearby.

This lodge has seen some wonderful things in its time, and you can see that in every corner. Maplewood may be a retreat, but for me, it feels like a home away from home.

“I’ll leave you and Diane to talk. It was wonderful meeting you, Camilla,” Lara says, placing her hand on my shoulder.

“It was lovely to meet you too, Lara.”

“Have a good evening, Lara,” Diane calls to Lara, waving.

“See you tomorrow.” Lara waves back before turning and heading back to reception.

I turn back to Diane, who is sitting in one of the big leather chairs closest to the fireplace. “Come sit.” Diane pats the chair in front of her. “I’ll give you the run-down of the place.”

Feeling the butterflies fill my stomach, I sauntered to the chair in front of Diane and sat down. Diane smiles warmly at me as she slides a hot cup of tea over to me.

“Thank you,” I say as I pick it up and take a sip.

“You’re most welcome.” Diane winks at me. “Now that the paperwork is out of the way, let me officially welcome you to Maplewood.”

“Thank you.” I nervously smile at Diane.

“Don’t be nervous, dear. This place isn’t like the mental wards in hospitals. Maplewood is a place to let your mind rest.” She looks at me reassuringly.

“Ok,” I reply, placing my cup back on the table.

“Ok, so, first things first, we don’t require you to stay here. You’re free to leave any time.”

“So, I could leave right now if I wanted to?” I ask sarcastically.

“Absolutely! We don’t want you to be here if this isn’t what you want, but I have a feeling this is what you need, Camilla.”

She was right. I didn’t want to be here, but I knew I needed to be here. I was sinking, and it would have only been a matter of time before I thought about suicide.

“I do,” I reply quietly.

“Good, because we want you here too.” She shoots me a cheeky wink. “Now, let’s get onto the boring stuff.” Diane chuckles. “We don’t have a ‘lights out’ policy here. You are welcome to go to bed whenever you wish. All I ask is that you respect the other guests that are trying to sleep. No midnight rages!”

There goes late-night horror movies, I think to myself.

“You are welcome to come down to eat, read, or enjoy the fireplace any time. This is a retreat, not a hospital. Treat this place as your home, dear.” She smiles softly at me. “We currently have five other guests here. You are the fifth. We don’t separate men from women. All we ask is to use some common sense. You’re here to get healthy. Keep that in mind. If you want to go into town, you are more than welcome. Just let Lara know, and she will call you an Uber.” Diane takes a sip of her coffee. “They clean your room every day, and they will replace any towels you use. However, we don’t make your bed. You’re an adult; you can make it yourself.” She winks at me. “You must eat three meals a day. You don’t have to eat with the other guests, but you must eat. It’s not just your mind that needs looking after, but your body. You can choose to cook your own meals, or you can eat the meals our in-house chef makes. We have set times for meals; it helps to have a routine. I’ve left that information on your bed to look over later. We have a no smoking or drinking rule in place. This goes for the entire property.” She leans forward and places her cup on the table. “Do you have questions, dear?”

“No.” I take another sip of my tea.

“Good! Ok, well, let’s get into what services we offer here at Maplewood. We have a massive variety of therapies, classes, and well-being services. The most popular is our animal and art therapy. Most people who stay with us love working with the horses and the many animals on the property, but you may find that art is your thing. It’s completely up to you, dear. We have yoga by the lake every morning and massage sessions offered throughout the day. Wellness classes and self-care courses run daily, and you can choose which time best suits you if you wish to attend. Again, completely up to you. The only mandatory thing is our therapy sessions. Now, that can either be one-on-one or in a group setting. Most try both and then decide which works for them. The onsite doctor is directly across from the lodge. I have left her contact information in your room. You can contact her 24/7, so don’t be shy. If you need Lara or me, our numbers are also on that form.” Diane looks over to the fireplace in thought. “Hm, I think that’s about it.”

“I—”

“What is it, dear?” Diane looks back at me.

“How do I go about organising the therapies I’m interested in?”

“Oh, that’s simple. Just have a chat with Lara in the morning. You don’t need to do it now.” Diane smiles at me. “I’ll also introduce you to your therapist tomorrow, as well. She’s already gone home for the night,”

“Cool, thank you.” A yawn escapes my mouth.

“Oh, I’m sorry, dear. Sometimes I get so carried away with this stuff that I forget how much there is and how boring it can be.” She chuckles. “Come, let’s get you to your room so you can unpack and settle in.” Diane stands from her chair and gestures to the enormous staircase.

“Thank you, Diane,” I yawn out as I stand.

“For what, dear?” She tips her head to the side, confused.

“For being so kind to me.”

“You don’t need to thank me, Camilla. It’s my absolute pleasure.”

After Diane showed me to my room, gave me the tour, and then wished me goodnight, I sat down on the bed and looked around at my surroundings.

“This is real,” I whisper to myself.

The room is simple but so cosy, and just like the rest of the house, it’s all wood, even the bed frame. The only modern thing in the room is the flat screen tv on the wall at the end of my bed.

“I suppose I should unpack,” I sigh, rolling my eyes.

Dragging my suitcases over to me, I pull all my things out and place them in the drawers and the bathroom. I doubt it was that long before the bed started calling my name. I quickly plugged my phone in, changed out of my clothes and into Jonathan’s shirt, and collapsed on the bed.

“Mm,” I hum out as my sore and tired body sinks into the bed. “I could get used to a bed like this.” rolling over and looking out the door.

As my vision becomes blurry and my eyes feel heavy, sleep chasing me hard, I see a familiar face stroll past my door.

“Dean!” I blurt out, shooting up from my pillow.

I want to thank my gorgeous girl @hanwritesx for helping me describe Maplewood’s common room so beautifully. You have a natural talent for this kind of thing and I’m so lucky I got to borrow that talent for this chapter xox. Please, go follow @hanwritesx over on her IG. Her little corner is a ray of sunshine that you NEED in your life 😉