After my little fainting spell this morning and Jonathan hovering over me like a mother hen, he finally let me help him organise his new bookshelf. We spent the majority of the time arguing back and forth about how it should be organised. He wanted to randomly sort his books, but I wanted them to be in alphabetical order because it’s easier to find the book you are looking for. This went on for a good hour before he finally conceded defeat and organised his books the way I suggested. I must say, I was very chuffed with myself when his mother texted asking for a recipe from one of his old cookbooks and he was able to find it quickly.

Once I finished gloating over breakfast, we headed out to check on Kay.

“Alright, where is she?” I call to Carl behind the counter.

“She’s in her office,” he smiles back.

“I’ll grab us our usual, melek?” Jonathan asks as he approaches Carl.

“Please,” I smile at him softly. “I’ll be back in 5,” I call over my shoulder as I head to Kay’s office.

“No rush,” Jonathan calls back.

I turn my head slightly and blow him a kiss.

Pushing Kay’s office door open I see her perched on her desk with Micah between her legs.

“Really, Kay, at work?” I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Do you not knock?” She snaps back as she hops off her desk.

“I didn’t think I needed to, bitch,” I retort. “And I can see you, Micah,” I yell at him.

He jumps to his feet, quickly straightening out his shirt before madly trying to get his pants back up before I see anything I don’t want to.

“So, that draw is fixed, my love,” he stumbles over his words.

“She knows what we were doing, Micah,” Kay rolls her eyes.

“Right,” he clears his throat. “I’ll ummmm…” he pauses. “I’ll see you tonight then?”

“Yesss,” Kay replies, dripping with sarcasm.

“Ok, love you,” he says as he plants a peck on her cheek, avoiding all eye contact with me.

“Bye, Micah,” I giggle as he rushes past me.

“Ah bye, Camilla, it was nice seeing you,” he replies nervously as he closes the door behind me.

Walking over to Kay’s desk, I see her panties lying next to the chair.  As I plonk myself down across from her, I reach down and grab her panties. “You may want to put these back on,” I smirk at her.

“Shut it!” She snaps, snatching them out of my hand and does her best to put them back on without embarrassing herself any further. I can’t help but laugh at the spectacle that is unfolding in front of me.

“Comfortable?” I tease.

“I was until you interrupted,” she replies icily.

“If I had known Micah was nailing you in here, I would have had Jonathan get our Nutella hot chocolate to go and left y’all to it. Perhaps next time give me a heads up,” I reply sarcastically.

“Whatever!” Kay rolls her eyes. “What do you want?”

“Well, I came to check on you, but by the looks of things you were being very WELL taken care of,” I wink at her.

“Ok, stop, bitch,” she snaps back.

“Fine! I came to drop off your ticket,” I throw it at her.

“Ahhhh I can’t believe we are going to see The Dark Knights!” Kay squeals. “And Axel signed the back of mine,” she says as she sniffs the ticket.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask, screwing my nose up in disgust.

“He touched it, Camilla. Axel Knight touched this ticket. I’m trying to see if I can smell him on here,” she purrs as she continues to sniff the ticket.

“Right, well with that I’m out,” I reply, standing from my chair.

“Oh, stop it! Don’t act like you won’t sniff yours when Jon isn’t around,” she scoffs

“Oh I will, but at least I’ll wait till you and him aren’t around ‘cos I’m not a freak like you,” I snap back.

“You’re still a freak,” she calls to me as I head for her door.

“Takes one to know one, bitch,” I blow her a kiss and head out into the café.

Micah didn’t get far; I see Jonathan questioning him intently. Walking up to Jonathan, I interlace my fingers with his as I scan Micah’s face. It is the brightest shade of red I think I have ever seen on another human being.

Poor bugger, I think to myself.

“Here’s your hot chocolate, melek,” Jonathan says, smiling softly at me.

“Thank you, baby.” I kiss him on his cheek, taking my drink from his hand. “So, what are you two talking about?” I smirk at Jonathan as I bring my gaze back to Micah.

“Oh, nothing much,” Micah shakes his head nervously.

“Riiiight,” I reply suggestively. “Should we make a move then, baby?” I look at Jonathan and smile.

“Yeah, melek, let’s head out,” he coughs out, trying to stifle a laugh.

“We’ll catch you later, Micah,” I wink suggestively at him.

“Ummm yeah,” he replies nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Have a good afternoon, man,” Jonathan says grinning from ear to ear.

“You- You too, detective,” he stutters.

As we head out of Kay’s cafe, Jonathan lets go of my hand and reaches for the door. With that one movement, I am brought back to the very moment he did that for the first time. My stomach fills with butterflies because now he isn’t just some guy I’m interested in, he’s the love of my life. Never in a million years did I ever think I would find a man that loves me the way he does, nor did I think I deserved it.

Walking into my apartment, we both immediately head for the bedroom, change into something more comfortable and head for the lounge. Jonathan lays down on his back as I crawl between his legs. Settling on his chest I slide my hand across his chest and lay it just under his collarbone. Jonathan’s hand slides down my thigh, softly pulling my leg up and across his waist. With his other hand, he starts stroking my hair, twirling pieces around his fingers.

Art by @adamszkiart_illustrations

This is what me and Jonathan do, we just lay on the couch, cuddle and watch movies. Nothing special or elaborate, just us being together relaxing and enjoying each other’s company.

Friday morning

Rolling over, and with my eyes still closed, I feel around in the blankets expecting to feel Jonathan. When I feel nothing but cold and nobody, my eyes slowly open and scan the room. Propping myself up so I can take a better look, I see him sitting beside my bed looking down as if he is deep in thought or perhaps reading something. I scootch over in the sheets and, moving down in the bed, I rest my head on the mattress above where his shoulders rest.

“What ya doin?” I yawn.

“Just sending some work emails,” he says, looking over at me and smiling.

“Oh ok, why are you sitting on the floor?”

“My laptop cord is too short to reach up onto the bed,” he replies, shutting his laptop and placing it down next to him.

“Oh ok,” I smile at him as I sit up and drape my legs over his shoulders.

Jonathan’s hand runs up my leg stopping at my knee as his other hand begins massaging my foot. He’s not forgotten how much I love his rubs first thing in the morning, and I’ll admit I have become addicted to them in the time we have been together. It makes me wonder how I survived without them before.

“Mmmm that feels good, baby,” I moan, as I lean over and claim his lips.

Teasing his lips open with my tongue, he immediately lets me in. I take full control of his lips, sliding my hand down his chin and pulling him hard against my mouth as I deepen the kiss to feverish levels.

A knock rings out from my front door.

“Are you expecting someone?” Jonathan asks, pulling away.

“Ignore it,” I pull him back in.

The knocking stops for a moment before starting up again. Pulling away from Jonathan, I can’t help but sigh in annoyance at someone’s audacity to interrupt us.

Kay! My inner voice coughs out.

“Don’t move.”

“I won’t budge,” Jonathan winks at me.

Art by @konturava.art

Unwrapping my legs from his shoulders I slide off the bed and sluggishly make my way down the hall and to my door.

“This better be life or death, Kay,” I mumble to myself.

Unlocking the door, I pull it open expecting to see Kay standing there but I’m met with a scent I haven’t smelled in a while. I instantly recognise it as Sterling’s. My stomach immediately drops as I look up at him. He doesn’t look like his usual manicured self. He’s wearing a white t-shirt, grey hoodie and slacks, his hair is neat but not its usual gelled slick back style.

He looks at me nervously before taking a small step forward. I look quickly behind me to make sure Jonathan is still in my room and not in the hall before my eyes dart back to Sterling.

“Can we talk?” he asks quietly.

“This isn’t a good time, Sterling, Jonathan is here,” I reply nervously, pushing him out into the corridor.

“Look, Camilla, I know what I did was out of line, but I wanted to apologise,” he drops his gaze to his now fidgety hands.

“Sterling, I-“ He cuts me off.

“I know I was an arsehole after we slept together and I honestly,” he pauses, running his hands through his hair nervously. “I don’t know, I guess what I’m trying to say is my behaviour was out of line and you had every right to react the way you did. I’m truly sorry for breaking our friendship the way I did, Cami, and I have regretted it every day.” His eyes are full of regret and are pleading with me to forgive him, but I honestly don’t know what to say in the moment.

“I,” I pause. “I need time, Sterling. Give me time,” I look over my shoulder again, checking on Jonathan’s whereabouts. “I need to go, ok?” I turn back to Sterling.

“Ok,” Sterling says in a defeated tone.

“Ok,” I reply quietly as I step back inside and close the door.

The moment the door is closed I slump against it trying to get my emotions under control for when I get back to my room and see Jonathan. I don’t want him knowing who was at the door. I brush myself off, pull my hair to the side and head back into my room. Returning to my room, I notice that Jonathan is no longer sitting on the floor but is over by my side of the bed putting his shirt on.

“Oh, you’re getting dressed,” I look at him, surprised.

Jonathan doesn’t reply, he just moves past me into the bathroom and begins brushing his teeth.

“Jonathan, what’s going on?” I ask as I lean against the bathroom door.

He spits the water out and then rests his hands on the sink, his head falling between his shoulders.

“Jonathan, you’re scaring me,” I reach out to touch him, but he pulls away quickly looking at me like he doesn’t know me.

“Camilla, why did you lie to me?”

“What? I didn’t lie to you,” I reach out again to touch him.

“Don’t,” he says coldly, pulling his arm away as he walks past me and into our room.

“Jona-“ he cuts me off.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” he asks, turning around, his eyes narrowing at me.

“What? Jonathan, I don’t understand what’s going on.” I shake my head.

“I knew there was something going on between you and Sterling, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.”

“Nothing is going on between me and Sterling, Jonathan.”

“I heard your conversation with Sterling at the door, Camilla. You lied to my face, when I asked you that day on the steps, you looked me in the eye and said nothing was going on.” All the warmth in his eyes, now gone.

“I – I was going to tell you but there never seemed to be a right time.”

“You had plenty of opportunities, Camilla. Plenty,” He sits down on the edge of my bed staring blankly into the lounge.

“I’m sorry, Jonathan,” my voice filled with pain. “I didn’t tell you that day on the steps because I didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Sterling, and I tried to tell you the night of Laila’s book launch party, but you had gone to so much effort to organise a beautiful evening I didn’t want to ruin it,” I sit down quietly beside him.

“I spoke to him that night, Camilla and he too denied anything was going on, but I could feel it from the tension in the room,” he says as he interlocks his fingers together in front of him.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask quietly.

“Because I didn’t want to believe the woman I love would lie to my face,” he looks up at me.

We sit there quietly for a few moments. Neither of us knows what to say to the other. A million thoughts run through my head, desperately trying to think of something that will fix this.

“Did you think that if you told me you had slept with Sterling, I wouldn’t have asked you to be my girlfriend?” His words are full of anger and confusion.

“I- I don’t know, maybe,” I mumble.

“Is that what you think of me?” He stands looking down at me. “Do you honestly think I care who you slept with before we met, Camilla?” He turns around and lets out a loud sigh of frustration. “I don’t care who you have been with, Camilla. I only care about you. Have I not proven that to you?” he asks, turning around and looking at me.

I don’t say anything. I just watch as he paces back and forth running his hands through his hair.

“I love you, Camilla, so damn much but I can’t stand being lied to,” his tone sounding defeated.

Stopping his pacing, he leans up against my bedroom wall. I watch as he slowly slides down into a sitting position. “You lied to me and you kept lying for months,” I hear his voice break.

“Jonathan, please,” I slide off the bed and move slowly over to him. “I never meant to lie to you, hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do, but I didn’t know how to tell you that I had slept with a guy you work so closely with, and on my mother’s grave I didn’t know you two knew each other when this happened.”

“I need to go, Camilla; I can’t look at you right now.” He abruptly stands looking down at me with so much disdain.

“Jonathan, please,” I plead, pulling myself off the floor.

“I can’t believe this is happening again,” Jonathan mumbles to himself as he heads for the hall.

“What?” I turn around looking at him confused.

“Nothing,” he replies harshly.

“No, you said you couldn’t believe this was happening again, what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means Sienna pulled this shit and now you are too,” his words cutting deep.

“I am nothing like Sienna, Jonathan and how fucking dare you compare me to her!” I shout at him. “I told one lie! ONE! That doesn’t make me anything like your arsehole ex.”

“I don’t know, it seems pretty damn close to me,” he replies sarcastically.

“Wow! That’s fucking rich coming from you,” I laugh. “This coming from the guy that didn’t think it was important to tell the girl he is dating that his psycho ex is stalking him, instead she turns up on our first date like it’s a normal Saturday morning for you two.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Well at least I didn’t fuck her and not tell you about it,” he throws back at me.

I felt my entire body flush with heat as the anger at his words boiled over. I squeeze my hands into tight balls and narrow my gaze at him.

“You need to LEAVE!” I state coldly.

“What do you think I was doing?” he fires back.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” I reply sarcastically.

With that, he turns on his heel and disappears down the hall. I hold my ground until I hear the door slam. It’s then that my legs give out from underneath me and I collapse onto the floor. My tears fall so fast that they begin to sting my cheeks. My stomach and ribs begin to tighten with every breath I try to pull into my lungs, and the sounds of my cries echo around the now empty room. I begin cursing Sterling for turning up at my door and offloading his shit on me, for putting me in this position in the first place, for being a selfish prick, for meeting him, befriending him, for letting him get close to me and for trusting him. I knew deep down that this was my own doing. If I hadn’t lied, if I had just told Jonathan the truth right from the start, this would never have happened.

I lay on the floor for God knows how long, crying and yelling until I lose my voice, and I had no tears left to cry. Still unable to find the strength to get up off the ground, I pull my quilt off my bed and wrap it around me, trying to find some kind of comfort in Jonathan’s smell and maybe find some slither of hope that we will come out of this ok.

A massive thank you goes out to my beautiful author and friend Teri Hayes for letting me borrow her boys from her story My Dark Knight. Teri’s stories can be found on the interactive app, Episode, and you can also find her on IG @teri.hayes.episode